Monday, June 8, 2009

Not at all sane

I changed the name again. I probably will again. And again. And again.

I'll take my English Lit exam soon... frightening thought, isn't it? I'm going to wait till Gina and Mummy are back from driving lessons for Gina... which should be very soon. Then I'll probably take it, or at least I'll try. :P Being torn away from friends for an hour and a half is such a saddening thing, when what you're going to is a dreadfully essay-ish exam! I suppose I'm pretty sure I'll survive, but it's still quite a deadening process...

As you probably know, because you're reading this, I've also changed the name of the link of my blog again... poor thing. It will probably stay as it is now, though. I hope to post more, and hopefully I'll have interesting things to say!

I might want to condemn my past posts to the Halls of Hades or something because they're very rambly and unkempt, but this one might be just the same. I'll try to give you all something to think about. I hope my life will get more interesting, rather than just a long list of my woes!

I took more pictures. You will be able to enjoy those, at least some of you, unless you're a wandering person looking at all the blogs in insanely ridiculous order here on Blogger. If you are, well, I don't know what to say. Turning you away sounds nasty.

But it's not highly likely that you are, so I'll keep it all jovial and disreputable.

I made pudding today, and I uploaded pictures, and I studied English Lit, but nothing else exciting seems to be happening. I'm learning Handel's Air from Water Music, though. That's interesting! But it isn't really easy for me to handle. I'm not sure if I've got the fingering exactly right, but I'll try to ask Gabriel about it sometime.

It's been cloudy the past three days. It wasn't windy until now, I think; the wind just decided to stagger out and brighten things. It may not be sunny for awhile yet, or else it'll be sunny tomorrow. I hope that Thursday will be pleasantly cloudsy; sun shining, but clouds sailing across the sky, and possibly a little bit of wetness. It's dry here in Minnesota. Quite dry. The grass decided it didn't have enough water to stay green, so it gave up and got yellow and brown. So, on Saturday, the sunrise wasn't sunny, and it rained, and on Sunday, it did the same, except not so much rain, and today, the same as Sunday, and less rain, I believe. It's wet, though, and cold, and humid. I have been trying hard not to let the cloudiness get to my head, and now I deceptively think that it's Friday still. Sunday was sort of a sad day. I enjoyed church and seeing nice people, but I was tired and still thinking it was Friday. :/ Rather sad.

In a way, I'm behind on everything. I really can't think much at all; reading English Lit is sort of like not reading at all, except reading. I know that doesn't make sense. It's ever-so-hard to explain, and I generally only can explain it when I'm really talking to something animate and not just a white, blank background that somehow, because my fingers are flitting across the page, turns all sprinkled with black figures.

I want to write, but I can't get writing out! I've been reading poetry all year in English Literature, too, and it seems that this schoolyear was nothing but poetry. The poetry during World War I tends to be very disheartening and depressing, as well as other stuff written then, talking about all the young men leaving and dying, and even older men, and whatever happens at home, and what war was REALLY like. Not just a romantic tale from the early 1800's... but rather blank, grey and unfriendly. Well, war isn't generally friendly, but I think you might know what I mean.

I think, since earlier today, I gained more of my contemplative silliness, and now I'm trying to gather my thoughts so that I can write Nostalgia. But I can't gather my thoughts. I don't have any power over that, I think. Or else I don't think- I just... think. Very profound, eh?

I suppose I'll hopefully relax off of all of this when exams are done, even though they're going to cover the next twoish weeks, one today, Latin later this week, and the standardized tests (throw them down an endless well into the abyss of wet, murky darkness!!!). I've been too worried about everything that's happening, so I hope that when school is less everywhere and that's off my mind, I might be able to stop thinking so hard and try to get a little more playful. Someday I might get better, and then I'll be able to write furociously, comment furociously, and play furociously... and do all sorts of furocious things. I've never furociously done things since ages ago, and it would be the most amazing thing to get back into it! Pray that I get there, soon. SOON. I want to be myself again, doing things tirelessly and goofily... and I might steadily work my way through Nostalgia again.

Please suggest to me any ideas you have that I could do. It would be great to have people suggest things to me... I need to stop thinking all by myself. I might want to lean hard on y'all... but I think it would be best if I try to stop doing it myself, and try to let God take it all, and have you all help me with that. I'd like to find my enjoyment in things... it's so hard to enjoy anything in this old city, though! I really don't believe it exists.

That's one of my biggest troubles now. (:P) Being in the city, that I can't understand. Sooo... I want to go somewhere else for the summer, but I can't. The city is driving me insane. There's nowhere to go, nothing to enjoy. I can't even enjoy anything in the house. It doesn't really feel any different in reality than the outdoors. And it's not much of an outdoors. Who on earth invented putting houses together on queer squareish things, next to, in front of, behind, practically on top of all sorts of other queer squareish things, full of the same buildings and houses...

I really need to get out of here for awhile, and maybe I'll appreciate it a little more. I wonder if there's anything about cities TO appreciate, though. I don't mind having to travel to get food; it's work that makes you feel fulfilled, isn't it? I love work! I don't care if I have to do that. I'd LOVE to do it. I'm as stubborn as an ox!

Well, good-bye. I wish I had an excuse to post ten more posts here...

(Yeah, the label is very original. :-) )


Sarah J. said...

I'm so happy that you've completed your Lit exam! ;-)

I keep praying for you! Mousums!

I'm going to read your Nostalgia.


Erin said...